The Power of the Cross

This past Friday, I gave the message at The Able Church. I was very nervous, and I had been dreading it all day. You may not know this, but I used to be bold. I never had any problem with speaking in front of people, especially if I was sharing my heart. Somehow, I lost that boldness and confidence over the last couple of years. I don't know how it happened. It may have been my distance from God during that time. I seem to be afraid and nervous about a lot of things these days. I don't know how to get that confidence and boldness back.

Last Friday I talked about love. Almost every Friday, there is a man with a cognitive disability who preaches. His name is Jesse. He is very gifted with preaching. He has a way of reaching hearts unlike anyone else. He speaks the simple truth, nothing more. Jesse usually finishes up the message after someone from the Camp Daniel staff has given the message. On Friday, Jesse went up first to speak and I was happy to let him. I was hoping he would talk for a long time and I would get out of speaking completely. :0)

All I had told Jesse was that I was going to talk about love. I didn't give him any details. When he got up there, he read a bunch of verses. Then he started talking about the same things I was going to talk about. I had absolutely no confidence in speaking or in the message I was about to give. When Jesse started talking about the same things, it gave me confidence in the message I had prepared. I could see that the Spirit was moving in this way. A lot of my nerves and fears went away, and I got some of that confidence back. All I had to do was finish up the message. This is the power of the cross working in my life through people with disabilities. I am going to get my confidence and boldness back through people with disabilities.

I know it will take time, but I am excited for all that God is doing. My eyes continued to be opened to what people with disabilities bring to our lives. I keep asking myself why most other people don't see this. I have to remind myself that most other people are blind to this. They aren't really looking, they aren't really using their eyes. I made my faith my own when I was fourteen. I became involved with Camp Daniel when I was seventeen. I didn't really know the true love of God, complete healing, or the Body of Christ until people with disabilities were a big part of my life.

As I look into my future and where God is leading me, I am scared to death. I see myself doing things that are completely out of my comfort zone at this point. I know that I have a lot of growing to do and God is going to stretch me in ways I never thought possible. I don't want to write down all of the details because I fear they may come true if I do so. I have a feeling that I am in this for the long haul. I mean that in a good way. I mean that I know God wants me in disability ministry long-term. I don't have any way out. I am nervous about some things in my future and I want to drag my feet sometimes. I am thankful for all that God is doing and how he is shaping me into the woman he wants me to be. I am thankful for his patience with me.